Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Finished work today. I'm still wondering how I worked so much and still have such a small amount of money. I guess gas and toll roads ate most of it. That and the two shopping sprees I went on. For college of course. It's going to be wierd being back at home again. I suddenly have rules and obligations and parents to please and friends to see. All summer, I've been able to be by myself and do my own thing. Now I'm going back to the way things used to be. But I feel like I've grown up so much this summer. I'm not the immature little girl that I used to be. I know thigns now. About myself and life and relationships and distance. How sleeping together doesn't have to mean "sleeping together." And however scared I am about driving a car older than me, if I keep up with traffic, I won't get a ticket. How no matter how much you love someone, being away from them will make you happy at least one night. How color coordinating your bedspreads won't make you and your roommate best friends, but it will assure that you have a kick ass room.
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
College isn't so scary when you think that your two best friends are going to college and being on their own also. In fact, it'll be interesting to see how I deal without my two sunshines.
I saw that Julie had her own "blank canvas" to write on, so I decided I needed my own to talk about college and maybe it will get out some of my fears and resignations about leaving. I'd never admit it before now, but I always thought that Julie and I would be going off to college together. The reality has sunk in and I'm mad I never considered anything close to home when applying. I don't want to leave, I just want to be near my family and Julie, who is now going to be closer to me at school than she has been these past 4 1/2 years. Jesse always has said that I'm so dependant on people and that I need to be able to function on my own, and she's totally right. I'm going to eventually need to not lean on everyone else, like my new roommate Tricia, who is now going to have to be my best friend for next year. It helps some knowing 2 other people going there, from camp last summer. B just called me from Toronto, more later.